What do you get when you take a wonderful podcast listenership, and jokingly challenge them to a poetry competition?
Yep! More poems than you could ever even hope to read out on podcast. And with that Poetry & Chicken was born.
Enjoy!
The Darkest Hour
Mark-Allan
This episode taught
Percivals open arms are
Available now
The Wicked Day
Mark-Allan
The lesson I learnt
Lo, it’s that Merlin the show
Oh has its self burnt
Aithusa
Mark-Allan
This episode had a great dragon baby
And some night that was suspiciously shady
Percival shot right through
Giaus being a douche canoe
And some stew jokes that were at best, a maybe
Carina
There once was a king who made camp,
As the knights did not own a lamp,
Cos it would get dark,
Despite the sun’s arc,
And Percival walked like a champ.
His Father’s Son
Mary
Arthur, the determined, picks up a quill:
Arthur, the golden
Arthur, the pure
Arthur, the righteous
Arthur, the mature
Arthur, the bully
Arthur, the king
Arthur, who knows himself fully
Arthur, who doesn’t know a thing
Arthur, the cruel, the heartless, the clever, the loving, the just
Arthur, the leader, the lonely, the fated, the destined, the one who bites the dust.
Arthur, the confused, abandons his quest.
“How are you today, Sire?” asks Merlin, his –
friend?
servant?
brother?
“Whatever the story demands.”
Arthur, the plot-determined, picks up the script.
Esmé
He’s been through this so many times before:
A trial, a task, something to prove his worth,
Each time it seems he’ll be doubted no more;
And therefore will not doubt himself in turn.
Of course this lesson is hard to embrace,
His self-worth bound to Uther’s praise and blame;
Now Uther’s gone, his uncle takes that place
And sets a new target at which to aim.
He thinks that wisdom’s found in solitude,
He’s told his heart is what will make him weak,
But without Gwen, his heart, and Merlin too,
His compass in the storm, his outlook’s bleak.
But on this day, at least, hope will prevail,
He learns: trust in his friends, and he won’t fail.
Carina
Arthur allied with Annis despite Agra-pain
Not even Morgana could have him slain.
No doubting the knights’ loyalty and pride
In war, as in peace Merlin is by his side
So Arthur learns his conscience should be his guide
Sydney
There once was a young king named Arthur
Who couldn’t live up to his father
So he shed a king’s blood
And rejected his love
For to be a good ruler he longed for
But secretly magical Merlin
His loyal and terrible servant
Proved that one’s friends
Outweigh revenge
And the pride that poisons one’s judgement
So, what is the lesson, you ask?
Only to this I may add:
Revenge is a dish
Served colder than this
Now King Arthur knows better than that
Mark-Allen
This show is a wonderful treat for us
Although sometimes the logic is a bit porous
But damnit it gets me all smiley
In those moments where finally
We get Rex quondam Rexque futurus
The Secret Sharer
Esmé
The manservant knows not what else to try:
He’d hoped by now that Arthur knew — could see —
That Merlin’s advice rarely led awry.
The king will not listen to Merlin’s plea;
His word means nothing next to Agravaine’s.
Maybe not nothing. No, in Arthur’s voice
Behind the anger Merlin hears the pain.
Perhaps he knows he’s making the wrong choice.
But still, it’s clear that Merlin can’t rely
On his and Arthur’s bond to foster trust
When Agravaine so easily gaslights
The king into decisions so unjust.
But Gwaine believes him, Gwen remains a friend;
Gaius will keep his secret ‘til the end.
Sydney
A ring of flames
In a hidden cave
Secrets wrenched
From the mind’s maze
A tale of truths
Tangled with lies
Both friend and foe must hide behind
Only the one who knows you
Can betray you
Lamia
Mo
A married couple in a small village hear a scream, a sound
When John goes out to look, there’s a body to be found
Mary goes to Camelot swift and quick, fear in her voice so thick
She finds Guinevere there, who pulls up a chair
They see the king of Camelot, who unlike his father, is not an old snot
Arthur says to send a healer, Gaius will come with you
But there’s been cases of sweating sickness, so Merlin will have to do
The Knights, Gwen, and Merlin visit the small town
With a couple more struck down, it seems the sickness is going all around
Merlin tries to heal with magic, but he’s certain he’s failed, how tragic
They go to ride back to Camelot, but instead find a girl who’s pretty hot
She doesn’t like Merlin, she’s terrified of him, but she likes Percival, probably his beefy arms
With him, she won’t come to any harm
Back at home, Arthur’s starting to freak out
“They should have been back by now” he shouts
Off he goes, with knights, Agravaine, and Gaius in tow
Back at the camp, the Knights and Merlin have a small row
Eastwards is the way they’ll go
Leon is rude to Merlin; he thinks for a servant he’s got too much attitude
Leon goes to give Lamia water and the knights get into a fight
We check in on Arthur, he found some slavers, but it’s not that important
We’ll talk about the man they found later
They carry onto the village, where they find out the party left yesterday morn
But luckily for them, Gwen left a trail of fabric torn
Merlin and Gwen start to suspect Lamia, maybe their first assumptions weren’t correct
In the village, Gaius explains the plot, there’s now peril where we thought nought
Lamia’s apparently a snake lady, which seems a bit crazy
Elyan is her first victim of the knights, once she kisses him, he’s out like a light
They continue eastward, into Lamia’s castle
But with Elyan unconscious, it’s a bit of a hassle
Arthur is tracking them and Agravaine acts without motive
He covers up some tracks for no good reason, do we ever find out why?
No, we don’t, not even at the end of the season
The knights have been led by Lamia to her home of skulls
And now the danger never lulls
One by one, the knights disappear, each one hearing the sound of Lamia’s tears
Merlin and Gwen talk about why they weren’t affected
And we find that homosexuality is what the writers neglected
Merlin isn’t gay and neither are women
Of course, that’s why Gwen’s not afflicted, and Merlin must be straight
Otherwise on this show the homophobes would hate
Lamia kisses Percival and Leon sees, apparently Lamia’s spell is broken with ease
Merlin tries to battle Lamia, but he can’t handle it
Gwen tries to help, stabbing with a sword
But Arthur saves the day, women being able to save themselves is ignored
The episode ends with Arthur and Gwen in a kiss
But not before the sick are saved and Arthurs blatant misogyny, which you couldn’t even try to miss
Mark-Allen
Oh Shut up Agravain
You are a massive pain
Lancelot Du Lac
Esmé
In earlier times I thought to put in verse,
Unconsciously, just what I hoped to hear:
No matter what the hardship, battle, curse,
You will survive if you keep your friends near.
And yet, today, the noblest knight has strayed,
Betrayed the king, but more importantly
Betrayed his friend. Not Lancelot, a shade –
But Arthur doesn’t know; all he can see
Is that a valued friend betrayed his trust,
As did the woman whose heart was his own;
The king learns friends will turn from him for lust
And jealousy – he’s better off alone.
And Merlin adds another tally mark:
The magic is his blood might tend to dark.
Sidney
The moment before the young lovers unite
And grasp their fairytale ending
In the long shadows cast by their brilliant light
A dark will to their sorrow is bending
Black waters yield yet another foul scheme
The lost one who should not return
Strikes at the heart of their innocent dream
Of true love, untainted and pure
As all betrayals go, they howl and they plead
The fairytale is ripped and unmasked
Mercy is tried in word but not deed
Better questions are left unasked
If you must only wait one more day,
Why can’t you forgive for the first time?
Mo
I hate Agravaine’s stupid face,
I wish he’d shut up and learn his place.
Arthur gets engaged
and Morgana is enraged.
Lancelot’s second death is super sad,
and Gwen getting banished isn’t rad.
Merlin learning Lancelot’s is a shade
but doesn’t tell Arthur because he’s afraid??
It doesn’t make a lot of sense,
but contemplating won’t be time well spent.
This episode is pretty tragic,
and there’s not even that much magic.
I hope the “Herald of a New Age” fills the hole in my heart,
but I’m worried I’ll have to wait for a good part.
A Herald of the New Age
Sydney
The herald, a sign of things to come
The New Age, a world not yet arrived
But in the heart’s frail atrium
The past is painfully revived
Streaming out of haunted wells
It is not thirst this water slakes
Bloodlust and revenge compels
The tortured spirit overtakes
One must stay hardened, the warrior knows
But in this moment he must soften
Lay down his sword upon on the stones
And make a solemn promise
When to his knees the warrior’s driven
At long last he is forgiven
Mo
Why be happy when you can be snappy
Ask for a hug Merlin and you get a slappy
The Sword in the Stone
Mo
this episode is a stab fest, Arthurs not well dressed
wear sandals in a forest, the idea’s not the best
Agravaine finally dies, and nobody cries
merlin becomes old, in a move that’s pretty bold
the sword in the stone, helped morgana be overthrown
merlin does some morally dubious stuff, he is no longer a hufflepuff
Gwen gets crowned, and morgana’s nowhere to be found
I can’t wait for season 5, I hope they keep my favourite characters alive
Arthur’s Bane
Esmé
((Spoiler warning))
The question is: does foreknowledge reduce
The pain when tragedy arrives, permit
Patient acceptance and sorrow to truce,
Or to this warring grief must one submit?
Will Merlin bear betrayal’s tragic ways
More readily than Arthur when they come?
Or will the naive hope of earlier days
That bravery to evil won’t succumb
Keep him from truly closing off his heart,
So when inevitably the end is near
He’s cut as deep, when by death they must part
As if he’d not heard the words of the seer?
Well, I recall the promise of the start;
Would foreknowledge have protected MY heart?
Carina
When Merlin revealed he could juggle,
With flair and without any struggle,
Arthur did gasp aloud,
He was ever so proud,
Then Merthur fans hoped they would snuggle!
Esmé
It’s hard to say for sure if Uther’s shade
Is truly a reflection of his mind
Or if his time spent past the vale has made
Him into something of another kind –
A spiteful spirit who is nothing like
The man who bore the name “Uther” in life;
The son, for his heart’s sake, does then decide
This hateful being, who’d kill Arthur’s wife
And harm his friends, is not his father’s ghost
But something else – proof magic will corrupt
Even the memory of those one holds the most
Dear – the evil is the horn’s vile educt.
But surely Merlin’s seen what Arthur can’t-
That the shade’s uninhibited, for sure,
But all this hate did fester in his heart
While he still lived – he never did abjure
His genocidal ire ‘gainst Merlin’s kind;
The ghost’s a true reflection of his mind.
Another’s Sorrow
Esmé
If it’s true that vengeance is best served cold
Then after nine long years then Arthur’s death
Should satisfy King Odin more – ninefold;
If Arthur can deny Odin his breath
Then this should be six times the just reward
For six years’ grief that now can be revenged.
At Odin’s throat King Arthur has his sword
And finally this bitter feud will end.
But Merlin stays his hand – he tells him, ‘wait,’
For bloodshed begets bloodshed every time,
And whereas Odin’s sidetracked by his hate
Arthur will not let hatred make him blind,
Perhaps because from Uther’s bigotry
The king has learnt, by contrast, chivalry.
Sydney
An empty burial chamber
A name written on a stone
The princess runs through empty halls
Where stained glass windows glow
Her nightmare wears an old woman’s face
And stalks her with slow steps
The princess’ bleeding wrists betray
The hidden snare is set
She tries, she tries, she tries again Escape, outrun, outwit
The princess’ chooses who to save Every clue’s dismissed
She whispers, “He’s not here,”
And the trap snaps shut its jaws The princess turns her face in fear She is the victim and the cause
Another’s sorrow is used to play The familiar game of trust betrayed
Esmé
The Triple Goddess watches patiently
As king and servant stumble to their fate
Like party-goers blind drunk, who cannot see
The ground beneath their feet. It is not hate
That motivates her to impart the mark.
She has no stake in what the future holds.
The Goddess gives it to the young monarch
And lets him do as she herself foretold
To those with power enough to hear her voice.
Though Arthur’s future keystones are in place,
For Merlin there remains a vital choice.
Though Arthur disrespects the holy space,
It’s Merlin whom the Disir need to reach –
But what he’s seen blinds him to what they teach.
Esmé
He smells it on the wind – the fresh sea breeze –
Or so he says, and winces as he does
Internally – thinks Arthur surely sees
Right past the awful lie. Of course he must,
But Gwen’s life’s worth the risk, and there’s no time
To come up with a believable lie.
But either all the knights ignore his crime,
Believing he should not be damned to die
For such benign use of an outlawed gift,
Or they aren’t thinking straight and just accept
The strange excuse, all unlikelihood missed.
At hiding magic Merlin’s grown adept…
And he is glad, of course, to not be seen,
But cannot help but ask what could have been.